As I was working in the garden the other day, I was thinking how much I Love Plants. I spend copious amounts of time with them and yet, I always look forward to spending more time and I’m always learning and deepening my relationship with them. As I was focusing on my Love and gratitude for Plants, I realized that this is how relationships are meant to be.
I have long been frustrated with the relationship stereotypes in the media, particularly those focused on marriage. You know the ones that show the woman crushing the man’s soul or the man cheating on his wife or both people being absolutely miserable. When the Supreme Court gave their historic decision on Marriage Equality, I was filled with hope! I thought here are people who know the sacredness of marriage, they have had to fight for this gift, maybe they can remind the rest of us. What I saw was that this debate highlighted the value of Love and the innate desire to Love and be Loved (even when it is not safe to do so).
Getting back to the Garden, what my Plants were showing me that day is that if we are fortunate enough to find someone to Love and be Loved by, rather than following the expected norm of living parallel lives, running out of things to say, getting annoyed with the little things our partner does, drifting apart, etc, we should be falling more in Love every day. Think about your closest friend(s), the ones that you’ve known for years and years. Do you like them less now than when you first met? I know for myself, the more time I spend with my friends, the more I Love them. Yes, I discover there weaknesses, their growth opportunities, their hurts, these allow me to appreciate them even more. Sure they push my buttons and I push theirs and we all know that at the very core, we Love each other to the end. If we can do this with our friends, why wouldn’t we do this with our partner, the one person we have chosen to share our most intimate moments with?
Please understand, I’m not looking at relationships with rosy glasses. I understand that they are challenging, that’s actually the point. They are supposed to be challenging, for these are one of the greatest opportunities to grow, if you choose to that is. Through our relationships we have a chance to have our fears and limitations challenged, to look at ourselves with a magnifying glass, to let go of the baggage that we drag behind us. These can be really painful and difficult times and if we can understand that this is an opportunity and if we have a partner who also understands this and can support us while we are being challenged, well, there’s no telling how much healing and growth can occur. Through this process we let go of the dross, allowing our Light to shine more fully, allowing our True Essential Selves to be seen and known.
What stops most of us from doing this is fear. This fear can have many names, “I’m not good enough”, “He’ll leave me if he ever knows the true me”, “She will break my heart” and others. So we satisfy ourselves by living a partial life, not opening our Heart fully for fear of the inevitable heart-break, living one of these stereotypical roles, or moving in and out of relationships never staying long enough to really be seen or open the Heart. I wonder why would we settle for this? Why not go all in and experience all that Love has to offer - the heartbreaks and the Bliss? When you wake up every morning and see your partner next to you, would you rather be filled with Joy and excitement at another day with this Lovely person or annoyed that he’s on your side of the bed and she just keeps nagging? (I do recognize that sometimes relationships need to end, especially if they are unhealthy or abusive and we also can outgrow our relationships.)
The Plants reminded me of 2 important tools to help keep the magic alive. The first is Gratitude (one of my favorites!). After all these years of working with Plants, I continue to be grateful for the gifts and medicines that they share with me. We can feel the same way about our partners, being grateful for the many ways that they fill your life with Beauty (and of course sharing these with them). The other is continually learning more. There is always more to learn about your partner. The minute you think you know everything there is to know about him, is the minute the magic is lost, which begins the downward spiral.
With Venus in retrograde, this is a good time to look at relationships and Love (you may find yourself doing this whether you want to or not). This does not simply refer to romantic relationships. I invite you to look at the role Love plays in your life. Do you have any fears that prevent you from expressing or receiving Love? Do you have blockages? Are there limiting beliefs? Are you living a life where Love is the central force? Does everyone around you know how much you Love them? Do you tell them this? And a really big part of this reflection has to do with Love for self. Do you Love yourself, Love every part of you? Of course, if you find something, know that this can be changed, cleared, transmuted, healed.
I truly believe that Love is the guiding and strongest force in the Universe. I believe that we are created from Love. To not Love ourselves or to block ourselves from Love is to prevent us from being the magnanimous Beings we are meant to be.
We so often do this to prevent our Hearts from breaking. This is foolish, for this only causes more constriction and pain. I know that heartbreak is painful; however, it is actually healing. Heartbreak allows the Heart to expand, if you work with the heartbreak, expressing the pain and grief, your Heart opens to another level of Love, more able to receive and express Love. When we do not allow the grieving, when we shut the Heart down, we block this energy and prevent the Heart from expressing her true beauty. This is when we experience true, constant pain which often leads to physical ailments not to mention a duller life.
The Plants are wonderful teachers helping us to open our Hearts, to heal, and to be Love/d. They help us overcome the conditioning that has taught us that we are unlovable or not enough or whatever else, your "itty bitty shitty committee" creates. At a recent workshop, after a woman spent time with a Plant, she said in utter awe, “She [the Plant] loves me!” Yes! If you want a reminder of this, look at a Dandelion pushing her way through the layers of cement to say, I’m here! She keeps showing up, until we are ready to receive her healing gifts. Or simply sit in Nature and allow yourself to be held and Loved.
There is so much to say about Love and living a life that is Heart-centered and filled with Love. This is the life that we are meant to live, this is how we experience healing and our fullness. This is also completely possible and is what we are being asked to do. And again, we have allies, when we work with Plants, our Hearts naturally open.
So Love, Love often, and Love Deeply!
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