The Season of Grief

We are shifting into a new season with a brief pause at equilibrium.  Things are speeding up and change is all around us.  Sometimes it is easy to lose one’s footing, to feel off-balance or overwhelmed.  Nature and the Seasons can help ground us, bring us back into center and back into touch with our bodies.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or out of balance, I suggest spending time in Nature, particularly with the Trees.  Of course, this season just beckons you to be with the Trees as their beauty really comes alive with the changing colors of their leaves.  Who doesn’t want to go for a long walk in the woods, listening to the crinkle of the leaves below?  Or remember the innocence of childhood by jumping into piles of leaves?  Or for those in my area, go searching for Paw Paws?  (If you have never eaten a Paw Paw, all I can say is “I’m sorry!”)

Autumn is the time of year that we transition from the high extroverted energy of Summer to the more introverted, ideally restful Winter.  When we compare the seasons to one’s life, Autumn is the winding down towards death.  Therefore, it seems natural that Grief and Sadness are prominent emotions at this time of year.  (The Lungs are also the organ associated with Autumn and they are the organs that hold grief.)

Our culture’s relationship with grief is quite strange.  We act as if it is something bad, something to ignore or suppress.  To show grief is to show weakness or even to disrespect the dying.  When in reality true grief is the outpouring of Love.

Our society is under the disillusion that we can ignore our feelings, bury them and they will go away.  This is not true.  I mean, we can bury them, but they don’t disappear, in fact, they only grow and then manifest into bigger and bigger issues until you can no longer ignore them.  Unfortunately, when these surface as now big physical issues, we again do not deal with the underlying cause, instead we medicate and remove the symptoms.  This then has the effect of starting a cycle, where the issue will continue to grow, becoming bigger and bigger or stranger and stranger.

The Manifestation of Undigested Grief

Undigested grief can appear in many ways.  We have all seen people who have hardened their Hearts because of grief.  Of course, a hardened Heart quiet easily becomes a heart attack.  As grief is connected to the lungs, lung ailments are common: asthma, pneumonia, bronchitis.  I have shared the story of my Nanny who wanted to be strong for everyone after my grandfather died.  She believed that we should rejoice at someone’s death because they were going Home to Heaven.  No matter your spiritual beliefs, of course, your Heart would hurt and you would be sad to lose your life companion of 72 years.  Her grief finally manifested on what would have been her 73rd wedding anniversary as the worst case of shingles anyone in our area had seen.  That was almost 4 years ago and she still suffers effects from this.

An obvious side effect of undigested or unexpressed grief is depression.  When we do not grief, we hold onto that sadness.  I understand this, as sometimes it feels like this sadness is all that you have left from the person that you loved.  However, when we express our grief, our sadness transforms into gratitude and Love.  Our grief is replaced with something better.  We feel more alive.

I belief addictions can be a form of self-medicating trying to numb the pain of grief.  Let’s be clear here, grief does not just occur from someone’s death.  We can experience grief at the loss of our innocence; the loss of a Love, a friend, Land; our children growing and leaving home; among many other reasons and possibly the biggest reason for grief in our world is the loss of our indigenous selves, that part of us that is connected to Nature, connected to mystery, connected to the Wild.

Besides the benefits to our own health, there are more reasons for truly grieving.  Undigested grief tends to bubble and turn into anger which then turns into violence.  If we think about the world we live in, there is so much grief and so much sadness and one of the only ways that is acceptable to deal with this is through violence.   As Martín Prechtel writes in his beautiful book The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise, “...When the sorrows of war’s losses go ungrieved, we are guaranteed the coming of another war, or violence breaks out in the streets.

Wars are the pile up and oversaturation of losses of previous wars never allowed to “metabolize” and break down through grief into its original particles to restore itself to the living.  War is an enormity of sorrow looking for new blood to pay the overwhelming debt of ungrieved blood from the previous war.”  

Undigested grief is carried through generations both ancestrally and culturally.  Which means that if we do not deal with our own grief, we pass this burden on to future generations.  Let’s be real here, I think these generations will have enough of a mess to clean up, they don’t need to be taking on our grief also.  This also means that most likely we are carrying around grief that does not belong to us and for which we most likely do not know the cause.  The good news is that we can chose to heal this grief too.  When we do this, we not only heal ourselves, we also protect future generations from this, and we can help to heal our ancestors.  Often this old grief appears in our families and societies as grudges and prejudices.  So when this grief gets healed, these beliefs that separate us can dissolve, bringing more unity and peace.  (During the Ancestral Healing Class that I am offering November 1st, we release the burdens of our ancestors, which often includes grief.)

Our pets are sponges for our emotions.  If we do not heal and release the emotions, our pets absorb them, especially grief.  Caressing your beloved companion helps you feel relief because he is absorbing your toxic undigested emotions.  Some animals are able to transmute these and remain healthy and vital; but most eventually become poisoned and develop bizarre illnesses. 

The Gift of Grief

We are taught that grief is a burden; but in reality, it is undigested, unexpressed grief that is a burden as shown above.  For grief is really a gift.  First, it is a sign that you have lived and you have loved.  After my brother died, I spiraled downward into what I call the Abyss of Grief.  All I could see around me was darkness, I spent hours on my bathroom floor howling, my body was so exhausted from crying that I couldn’t do anything.  I truly wanted to die and I most definitely never wanted to feel that again.  At some point, a light started coming in, it was then that I realized I was experiencing such enormous pain, because I had the great fortune of experiencing so much Love for a person.  Suddenly my pain and anguish felt like a very small price to pay for the amount of Joy and laughter and Love I experienced thanks to my brother.

Grieving helps one to feel alive and is in celebration of Life and living.  It may not feel like that at first, but this is the natural course of grief.  Eventually, you find yourself amazed at the gift of Life.  You look out with clearer lenses.

The act of grieving is cleansing, especially if we allow ourselves to cry or even more appropriately wail.  Expressing our grief removes stagnant energy and limiting beliefs.  It clears the aura and allows space for Light to come in.  

Expressing our grief also helps us to be in the present.  It releases us from the burdens of the past and helps us to find where we are at this point in time.  To focus on now.

How to Grieve

There are so many ways to grieve.  As long as you are expressing your feelings and not hurting anyone, I’d say there isn’t a wrong way to grieve.  Since we’ve been taught that grieving is bad, many of us have to relearn how to grieve.  For this, I highly recommend reading the book The Smell of Rain on Dust by Martín Prechtel.  This wonderful little book demonstrates the beauty and necessity of grieving.  Martín also gives examples for grieving ceremonies.

I think one of the best ways to grieve is to cry, to wail, to howl.  These actions vibrate your energy body and help to release and clear what no longer serves you.  Unfortunately one of the most damaging side effects of patriarchy is the belief that crying is weakness and therefore many people have blocked this gift.  Onion Flower Essence helps with the release of tears.  As does spending time with people who are good criers.  Don’t be surprised if your tears turn into laughter and then possibly back into tears.

Other suggestions for ways to grieve are to tell stories of your loved one; write, write anything - journal, poetry, stories; look at pictures and reminisce; cook their favorite foods; sing - loudly (being vocal helps with the release of grief); create; plant a Tree or garden to visit.

   

Plant Allies

There are many Plants who help us navigate our way through grief.  (Which I should mention that as much as we want it to be, grief is not logical, clean, linear.  It is messy.  It will sometimes come up out of “nowhere”.  It’s okay, allow yourself to feel what you feel.  When you do this, you are becoming more authentic, really you are becoming more Human, tapping into your powers.)

Cedar (Thuja occidentalis)

Cedar is a Plant long believed to help with grief and clearing grief.  Smudging with Cedar is traditional after experiencing loss.  Cedar is connected to our ancestors and helps souls travel to the other world.  Cedar Flower Essence can also be taken.

Rose

Rose is one of the premier Plants to provide support for the Heart and Soul while you are experiencing grief.  She helps to hold you, allowing you to “fall apart”.  When your grief is expressed, she helps to bring you back together, filling your Heart with her pink Light and Love.  Rose keeps us soft and strong at the same time (a skill much needed at this time).  Therefore, she helps to prevent the hardening of the Heart caused by unprocessed grief.  Fortunately, Rose comes in many forms.  I tell people who are in the throughs of grief to have Rose in whatever form they like and as often as they can.  Rose tea, rose jelly, rose water are all wonderful.  You can use Rose essential oil.  Have a Rose bath.  Light a Rose candle.  Get a massage with Rose scented oil.  Call on the Plant Spirit Rose to support your Heart.  Or have Rose Flower Essence.

Weeping Willow

This beautiful Tree is aptly named, for she helps to hold you while you cry.  She also can help to bring the tears forth.  She provides protection and support through your grieving process.  In this case, I suggest spending time with a Weeping Willow Tree, allowing her to caress you with her branches.  Her Flower Essence is also helpful.

Elecampane

Elecampane is an herb that is often used for lung ailments, especially bronchitis, pneumonia, and coughs.  Elecampane helps to bring up old gunk and including grief and sadness.  Therefore, Elecampane is especially helpful with deep, buried grief.  I like to work with the Flower Essence, though you can also take the tincture using spirit doses of 1 to 3 drops.  I’ll give the warning to do this when you have time to process through your emotions.  (In other words, not 15 minutes before a big family gathering or important meeting.)  

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Months before my brother’s death, I began making essences that all had a relationship to grief.  I did not truly understand this wonderful gift until I needed them.  The following are my own essences, some of which have very different descriptions than the same essences made by others.

Serviceberry

This Flower Essence helps those who are weary in their grief.  They are sad and lonely, not sure if they have the energy to carry on.  Serviceberry helps to give new hope.

Redbud

I often combine Redbud Flower Essence with Serviceberry.  These 2 essences were made at the same time.  On her own, Redbud is about sensuality, lightness, the joys of life.  She is about claiming one’s beauty and sensuality.  In a grieving situation, especially when combined with Serviceberry, Redbud helps to remind one of the beauty of life, helping to bring the spark of Light into the darkness of grief.

Elderberry 

Elder is a very wise Plant connected with the Underworld as well as the Faerie World.  There is much to be said about Elder, but in the case of grief, this Flower Essence helps one to find the beauty and strength when dealing with adversity, knowing that your grief will add to your light.  Helps to remind you of the Phoenix energy.  

The Season of Grief

As I mentioned, you may be feeling grief or sadness knocking at your door this time of year.  This is natural, I invite you to let it flow.  This is also a great time of year to release long held grief, benefitting from the energy of the season.  There are many guides and helpers, including Plants and our pets to help you through this process.  Grieving helps you be more alive and clears the body of burdens, it is an expression of Love.  Processing and releasing your grief not only benefits you and your health, it also aids our society, bringing more Peace. 

"If there is ever to be any real peace on Earth, all people need to relearn

and reestablish the now diminished and hidden arts of Grief and Praise,

for one without the other is not possible."

-Martín Prechtel